Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
That accounts for only three of the penises
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
