The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
