what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
