remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
