i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
