ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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