Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
