Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
