R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
