I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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