sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Enjoy the penises
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
