So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
