he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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