I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm both gender and math confused
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
