I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
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