Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
At least life still wants to fuck me.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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