i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
