Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
