i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
