I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize