marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
