The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
