im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
is wine microwaveable?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
