Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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