I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
