he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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