well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
