how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
