you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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