you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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