Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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