Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Randomize