and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
