screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
