I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize