i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
