Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
