you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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