just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
