I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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