Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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