Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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