Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize