guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
