I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
