Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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