im six kinds of drunk right now
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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