dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Randomize
