I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
i need to put some appletini on your dick
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Randomize
