Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
love makes seman taste better
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I party with great urgency now.
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