I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
