...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
