We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
