he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I want a musical about memes.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
