I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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