I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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