Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Randomize
