Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
