I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize