Plan B is the new Plan A
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
