It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
