I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
