Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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