I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I think I am morally bankrupt
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Found your dick twin last night
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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