just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize