I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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