Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Randomize
