I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
