my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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