so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
