that's an acceptable place to lick
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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