I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
