What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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