yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
