i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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