i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I just want to make out with him forever
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
