you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
