And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
