summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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