It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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