sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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