Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Fuck appropriateness.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
