i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm too high and old for this...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
