Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
