Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
