remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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