Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
