I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
