found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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