Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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