he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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