it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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