I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
