Ambien. No doubt about it.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
