my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize