from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
