Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
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