Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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