my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
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