I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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