you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize