its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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